Powerful Prayers

So I think I owe God a big one. I had this organic chemistry exam yesterday, and usually for organic chemistry exams I study my ass off all week, because this shit is hard, and as a result of my commitment I was averaging maybe a C+, which for me in Chemistry is phenomenal (I'm very much a pass/fail Chem student).

Unfortunately for me, I also had this weird 4-day long severe bout of depression that I related to both the impending exam and the end of the Thanksgiving lazy weekend. Whatever it was, I couldn't handle anything. I sat in my classes like a zombie and was really only marginally happy when wearing my slanket on my couch.

Whatever it was, I put off my chemistry all week. I was planning on cramming like crazy Thursday night at work like I usually do, but by the time I got there all I could force myself to do was read a historical fiction about Paraguay.

I was resigned to failure. "Hey," I reasoned, "we get to drop one exam. I was planning on dropping that 65 I got, but a zero is lower than a 65. I'll still pass the class, it's all good."

But I had been doing so good this semester! I had been trying so hard, and getting such better grades! If anything could have made my blues much worse it was the fact that my blues were fucking up stuff I had been busting my ass over the past three months. Stupid blues.

So Thursday night, as I went to sleep, I tried something I never do. I prayed. I'll spare you the actual discord, since I don't remember it and I still believe that a dream is a wish your heart makes and telling somebody a wish means it won't come true, but my prayers logically shouldn't be very powerful. I'm not a devout anything, I'm not that good of a person, I wasn't praying very hard, the thing I was praying for way kinda lame considering, ect, ect, ect. Then I slept like a rock for the first time all week.

When I woke up I was actually rested and feeling okay. I was, shockingly, resolved to go sit at the dining room table and study my chemistry all morning. Usually I love Friday mornings because I get to watch some Thursday night television on Hulu, but I didn't even care.

So I sat down, and for 15 minutes I studied like three things and then decided I was done with that. I fully believed that I had given up, despite my burst of steam, and was still going to fail.

During the exam I didn't automatically know any of the answers, but I was able to use mechanisms to figure them out. I mechanismed the shit out of that exam (a mechanism in organic chemistry is a demonstration of how electrons move during a chemical reactions. They're pretty much the tiniest, most conceptual thing in the world, but I am somehow a master of them? So anyway, I calculated the questions I got right (I had no idea about the last page so I gave up there) and I somehow rationed that I got 89%? Then I laughed at that bullshit and assumed I magically squeaked out a 74 or something.

Hell, I couldn't stop laughing, those three things I studied? They were two questions, which was 57% of the exam. 57%! I thought I was going to get a zero, and there was an automatic 57%! Plus my mechanisms skillz saved my life on a bunch of problems worth 20 points! I had, essentially, avoided studying all week until the morning before, then studied three things which composed 77% of the exam. Fuck, if God didn't help me there I don't know who did.

Anyway, I assumed I got a C and was thanking my lucky stars when I check the grades last night. I didn't get a C. I got a 95%. Yes, I know, ninety-fucking-five percent. I don't even know where the points came from! But there they are! I scored 25% above the average (which I had been scoring well below before). So I owe God a big one right now. I just need to think of something nice I can do for God.

Black Friday

This deal is just too good to not tell you about.

Because I'm still a moron who doesn't know how to work the internets, I can't link to Babeland from that picture, so stop clicking on it and go here and sex toy shop your little heart out.

After all, the best way to say "I love you" to yourself or somebody else is to give them orgasms. Everybody loves orgasms. They're like pandas or vampires or something. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. I'm going to actual Black Friday on actual Black Friday, so I'll tell you guys if I snag any sweet deals.

Dream Sequence

I had the best dream ever Sunday night. It was about a guy in my chemistry lab and it was amazing.

No, it wasn't a sex dream, it was straight up a dream about a guy saying really really nice things to me. About how I was beautiful and a really nice person and just really nice things and I woke up with this massive, moronic smile on my face.

I've been mildly crushing on this guy for a while now, massively flirting with him in lab twice a week and all, and he's really cute (if a little smaller than I usually like) and hysterical, so his role in my dream wasn't really that much of a surprise. The surprise came later that morning.

He's in both my chemistry lab and chemistry lecture and he usually says high to me at the front where I sit and then goes to the back where he sits, but Monday morning he said "Hi" to me and then sat next to me and talked to me for like the whole class. I'm concerned that we had the same dream.

I'm wondering if I should, you know, go for it. I'm seriously considering asking him to study with me for the final exam, which would be huge-ah for me. I started asking him today but then the TA came by and he had a question about his product and if it was dried enough and I felt awkward so I went home to ice the chemical burn I inflicted on my forearm this morning. But I'm going to try again, I swear. Next Monday or Tuesday.

Oh, fun fact, totally don't know his name! Woo!

Vamping

I wish Twilight and such were what it is but like loaded with sex scenes. Everybody is thinking them, they should just be written in. Like, kinky, bloody, Sookie Stackhouse sex scenes. I mean, I didn't actually read the books because I'm pretty saturated in vampires as is and I'm also trying to study immunology and such, but I would read them real fast if there was sexitime.

Le sigh, I am filled with ennui today. It's really getting me down. Although, maybe my own lack of sex and vampires (mostly sex) in my life is the true problem and I'm just projecting.

Sucky Suck Suck

It is 4:01 am. Tonight sucks.

No, there was nothing scandalous and fun going on that turned horribly wrong and left me crying in the street and wasted because a boy I liked didn't want to come home with me. No, I didn't just get in from a party or social occasion. In fact, tonight I had a pleasant night at work, came home, ate a bowl of cheerios, and went to bed.

I was sleeping soundly until 3:35 am, when I heard that familiar sound of whorefucker fucking a whore. I was confused and dreaming at first, so I thought it had something to do with a credit card but alas, no. It wasn't a credit card and my world was not a giant credit scanner.

Whorefucker hasn't been having much sex lately, there was a 90-second stint last weekend that left me more amused than angry, but besides that my sleep has been much respected. Tonight sucks

Because it was a 30 minute sex session (it is now 4:06, I am writing slow, it is dark and I am trying to stay half asleep.) That is half and hour, or one television show as it were! I would much rather watch "The Office" than listen to this shit.

It got so bad that I resigned myself to going somewhere else to sleep. "To the living room!" Said I, "For the couch will accept me and I will find silence there!"

Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. Wrongwrongwrongwrong.

My other upstairs neighbors were having a SCREAMING fight, of which I, impressively, could hear every word. It was like walking from a black hole of misery into a brick wall of sadness. My very own rock and a hard place, because black holes are very hard to get out of? Also, strangely, though both miserable rackets were blaringly loud, I could only hear one when I was in my bedroom and one when I was in my living room.

"Hmm," thought I, "mayhaps I can use this to my advantage and there will be blissful silence in the middle." Plus I had to pee anyway, so I could test my theory in the bathroom.

Both sounds came through, practically amplified, on the toilet. I swear to God I almost started to cry from frustration and exhaustion. I'm still on the threshold of tears because the noises won't stop and I just want to go to sleep. Tonight sucks.

Unquestionable

Today I ran (using that term liberally) up the Engineering building steps to my discussion with my hot math TA. I the found said math TA sitting in a chair, sprawled on a desk top outside in the hallway with all of the students standing around him waiting to go in the room.

Seeing people sleeping in inappropriate places is a trademark of colleges, yes, but this was a busy hallway and, most importantly, he's our fucking teacher! I don't care how much I want him, I'm still seeing him in a position of authority and, thus, untouchable.

Then we went in for class. He was really grouchy, he looked like shit, he was exceptionally unpleasant and kept roughly asking us if we had any QUESTIONS!?

Question: Why are you being so scary? Do you have rabies?

I assumed rabies wasn't it (the room was brightly lit and that did not seem to be the cause for his concern) but I figured an even more terrifying virus might be the cause for the violent decline in his attitude. Swine flu. Dun dun dunnnnn

I'm not going to voice my colorful opinions on the swine flu hysteria, but I will relay my appreciation of the fact that swine flu is basically the biggest get out of jail free card ever that we all get one of. It's like starting a nuclear war with you spaceship all packed and ready to go, or being the person who puts the cards into the envelope in Clue, peeking the whole way. Swine flu is a gift, people, A GIFT.

So I was going to give math TA a gift. I was going to brand him with swine flu and excuse his badittude and sleeping in front of students. After he finally dismissed us with a final "Questions?" question hanging in the air I couldn't handle my concern anymore.

"Are you okay?"
"What? Yes. Of course I'm okay, why? Because I'm not my normal, chipper self? Is that why?"
"Well, you look kinda ill," He did, he looked terrible, (swine flu terrible?) "Do you have swine flu?"
"No, I don't have swine flu."
*class laughs*

And he took my gift and punted it out the window.

The Pillow Fest

While musing about the life, love, ect with my dear friend Pretty Bird, I disclosed the ice-cold details of my bedroom sexitime with her. She laughed at me. She laughed at the love I feel for my pillow boyfriends (girlfriends?) So I drew a skematic.



I tried to make it as accurate as possible, but I left out my comforter for obvious reasons. How else would you see my hot bod?

This skematic is extremely accurate, down to my pepto-bismo bunny pajamas and awkwardly blue socks (I need to do laundry) and the way I molest my body pillow. I feel like it's name predisposes it to pressing my entire body around it. In the warmer months I like to completely grope-fest it and roll around, sans covers, with my love, but in the freezer I live in, I must box myself in to capture the little body heat I give off.

In case you were wondering, I have named the head pillow as "Alpha Pillow." Alpha pillow accompanied me to England, Belgium and Paris and is a superior pillow. I will build a shrine to it's awesome pillow power someday.

Have you guys noticed how much I have been posting lately? My tagline, "What else are you going to do in a blizzard" is extremely accurate, see, in the summer I just don't think.

When it's warm out, I would rather read vampire books and tan, allowing my brain to slowly drip out of my ear holes, but when it's cold out I jack-knife myself into forts of pillows and blankets and invent crazy situations which play out in very (hilariously) awkward situations with people who don't understand the fantasy that my CRAZY has created. This makes my life very unhealthy, but at least I am able to talk about it with a sense of appreciation. My crazy is like a fine wine, and the 2009 batch is going to be better than ever.